It was halfway through the lockdown, all alone in his apartment in the south side of the city, on day 14, when Ray decided as soon as things returned to normal, he would go back. When he said as much on the phone to Lenore, she’d asked him when things had ever been ‘normal’ between them.
He didn’t reply, but he imagined she was holding her hand in front of her, palm facing inwards, so she could see the scars on the inside of her arm. Thin strips of damaged skin making three red circles in a line. Like bullet holes. The recollection made him uncomfortable and his call seemed like a stupid idea. He left it at that and didn’t say anything about it for the rest of the conversation.
Then less than a week before the government announced that the lockdown was over, she called back to ask him, ‘When you last said about moving back here, were you serious?’
‘Yeah,’ he said. He’d been serious about it. But he’d been having doubts since then.
‘You changed your mind?’
‘You know how something seems like a good idea at the time?’ He hesitated just a bit before saying, ‘If this is gonna work, it’s gonna depend on you.’
‘On me? And not on you, Ray?’
He didn’t utter the first thing that came to mind. Maybe he could have put it differently. Did she realize that for things to be different, it would take more on her part, without him having to put it any plainer? She was silent. He waited. He was trying to recall if it had been her right or left hand with the cigarette burns.
‘Ray?’
‘Yeah?’
‘He’s gone. For good.’
Ray found his finger twirling the telephone wire, while he listened.
‘Did you hear me, Ray?’
‘I heard.’
‘It could be different this time. And you’re right. It would be really up to me.’
Ray got his finger out and looked at the orange telephone. Of all the colors.
‘Lenore-‘
‘Ray, he’s gone. I haven’t seen him in months. No calls, nothing.’
‘Are you healthy?’
He heard her take a deep breath, then her voiced changed,
‘I am keeping well.’
He knew her. He could tell when she was sincere. He also knew when she lied. Maybe she understood him too. That whenever he fell silent in the middle of a conversation, it was because something had made him uncomfortable.
‘Ray?’
‘Yeah Lenore?’
‘I’m fine. Did you hear me? Haven’t been ill or to hospital in a while. I’ve been teaching at a kinder-garden three days a week. Mondays through Wednesdays. When the lockdown’s over, I’m going back to work there.’
‘How long you been there?’
Silence.
‘Just a few weeks so far. But it’s a nice change. The kids are lovely.’
He nodded as if she could see his approval, though she was on the other side of town. Kids. Yeah, lovely. His finger began twisting the circle of wires again.
‘We can meet for tea, one of these afternoons when you are off, when things are back to normal. You still at the dispensary?’
‘Yes I am. Just completed twelve years, can you beat that?’
‘Wow!’
‘Tea sounds good.’
‘One of these days, Ray. Once the lockdown is over.’
He put the phone down.
photo from Unsplash.com by Annie Spratt
