Crazy Cook at Christmas

It was time for the dreaded, annual Christmas Eve dinner in town. As always, no one was looking forward to it. This year, the townsfolk decide to do something about it. Unexpectedly, they succeed.

img_8979

A Spontaneous Story

A small English town was getting ready for Christmas. Folks were busy shuffling about in the light snow – shopping for presents, buying groceries, decorating their homes for the festival, getting into the mood of the season. It was then that a beat up, purple car arrived in town. Bags and boxes were stacked on top of it and a round man was driving with a skinny lady beside him. They drove straight to the only motel in town that provided cooking facilities.

Eventually, the round man came out, opened the trunk of his vehicle and lifted a massive box with the leafy ends of vegetables protruding from the top. A group of kids building snowmen at a nearby park let out a groan as they recognised him. He waved at the kids and shouted,

“Merry Christmas! See you at the dinner tomorrow at Town Hall!”

The kids looked at each other in horror, “Oh no! He’s back. He’s gonna cook again tomorrow for the Christmas-eve dinner!”

A rosy-cheeked kid, maybe 7, said “Remember what he cooked last year? He put squid in his Christmas cookies and didn’t tell us about it! I threw up my cookie.”

A kid called Bunty piped up and said, “That’s not so bad. When I was younger- he looked no older than 10- that man made a chocolate cake. You know, of all the things in the world, I loved chocolate cakes the most. Many times I have grabbed a piece without asking my parents’ permission. But not since that Christmas Eve at Town Hall. I charged towards the cake he had made, and tripped and fell headlong into the cake in front of the whole town. But that wasn’t the worst part of it. While my face was buried in chocolate, I decided to taste it. Chillies! The cake was laced with chillies. Imagine that – red hot chillies! I cried for two weeks after, because the chilli singed my eyebrows and cheeks and lips! I was teased for weeks for having rosy cheeks and burnt eyebrows.” He looked like he was about to cry again.

Next, a six year old girl told her story,

“I used to love mushroom soup, until that guy served mushroom soup with octopus arms ! I have never eaten mushroom soup since, because I am afraid octopus arms might pop out of it. I don’t like his cooking at all.”

The village priest had seen the purple car arrive and his spirits took the sudden, yet familiar dive that it always took around Christmas eve. The children were not the only ones who dreaded the Christmas dinner every 24th of December in Town Hall just before midnight mass. Adults dreaded it too and this year, a group of parents had gone to see the priest a few days earlier on the very subject.

“Father, please don’t allow that man to cook again tonight. He has created enough unforgettable and frankly, cringe-worthy dishes for our little community. Spare us this year. Let us look forward to midnight mass with satisfied stomachs and grateful hearts. We can do without drama. Remember last year’s symphony of mass throwing up? It’s horrible to have missing members of the flock who’d run home to use their toilets. Spare us the agony!”

The priest, seeing that this was the strongest resistance mounted as yet to the annual dinner that was supposed to be the highlight of the Christmas eve programme, trotted out his usual arguments,

“But Alphonse is the most famous son of our town and each year, he voluntarily cooks for us as a way of thanking the Lord for the blessings in his life and his debt to his hometown.”

“We appreciate that but that is no excuse to food-poison your local community in the process. Please ask him not to cook for us. We will pay for outside caterers. We can even organise short notice who can come in and prepare a Christmas spread for us. We can try something exotic this year. Or stick with some traditional dishes. But no drama, please! “

The priest, who’d spent his life wrestling with his conscience to satisfy his flock’s needs, had reached the limit of his patience. He said, “It will break his heart to be turned away by his own people. It is not the right thing to do on the Lord’s birthday. Tell him yourself if you must. I will not be a party to this.”

Father, please don’t allow that man to cook again tonight. He has created enough unforgettable and frankly, cringe-worthy dishes for our little community. Spare us this year. Let us look forward to midnight mass with satisfied stomachs and grateful hearts. We can do without drama.

The oldest couple in town was picked to do the deed. Not because they were the sort to carry out unpleasant tasks that had to be done but because they had known Alphonse since he was a baby. His late parents and grandparents had been their friends. The couple went over to the motel with their 6 year old granddaughter, one of the kids who had been playing in the park.

As soon as the door was opened, the smells and sounds of onions and spices dancing in burning oil filled the nostrils of the trio of grandpa, grandma and grandkid. Alphonse was in the kitchen, out of sight, while his wife, the skinny lady, had opened the door. She did not recognise the elderly visitors, but she was welcoming,

“How nice of you to come visit! Alphonse just loves coming back each year and serve his special dishes to stretch the culinary boundaries of his hometown. How quickly another year has gone by. Come in, come in. Alphonse! We have visitors!”

She gave a melodic call before continuing,

“He was just telling me on the way over today from the city how much he looks forward to Christmas eve every year. The looks on the faces of people after trying the new dishes and of course the midnight mass and ushering in Christmas. Priceless. You won’t believe it but he lives the whole year for the day!’ The couple looked at each other awkwardly, then smiled accommodatingly at the skinny lady. The sounds of ladle clashing with the wok were loud and continuous in the background. A bit of chit chat followed in the living area, about the lady’s own hometown in the east and how she’d met Alphonse at a wedding and why it’s hard to find certain spices in winter in rural areas. The elderly couple smiled and nodded and looked generally uncomfortable. The little girl, who knew exactly why they were in that motel room, tapped her foot impatiently. Her grandparents did not look like they were ever getting to the point.

“Alphonse, look who’s come! I tell you, he spends months during the year thinking up wonderful concoctions to surprise everyone here. So many sleepless nights, I can tell you about that too!’ The elderly couple looked from their host to the cooking area and back to their host again. The skinny lady continued after a sharp intake of breath, “He has been experimenting…” but was cut off by a little, sharp voice,

‘The town has decided we don’t want Mr. Alphonse to cook dinner for us on Christmas eve this year!”

It was the little girl who spoke up. She didn’t stop, “We cant stand the food that he comes up with! Do you know how many people have vomited because of his special dishes on Christmas eve? Tasty and weird do not go together. Squid chocolate cookies, mushroom soup with arms of octopus, cupcakes with salted pigeon eggs, spaghetti with shark’s eyeballs and seaweed – that’s all weird and gross !! We are not having that anymore and the town has decided that we are getting outside caterers this time. The priest didn’t want to tell you himself, so the townspeople elected my grandparents to let you know. There!”

And she finally caught her breath, having done the deed on behalf of the town, which is quite an accomplishment for any six year old.

The noise from the kitchen area had stopped while the little girl was speaking. When she was done, everyone – grandparents, grandkid and Alphonse’s wife – turned towards the kitchen. The portly cook was standing silently in the doorway, ladle in hand, and with the colour drained from his face.

“They don’t want me to cook for them anymore?” It was more a dejected statement than a proper question. Before the elderly couple could say something to console him or his wife put up a brave front to defend him, the ladle left his hand and fell to the floor. The next instant, Alphonse himself fell like a mountain sinking into the sea, clutching his heart and lay still. He would never pick up a ladle again.

The priest was thunderstruck by how his refusal to convey the town’s wishes to the cook had turned out. On the other hand, the townsfolk were, to put it crudely, relieved and in certain quarters, positively elated. The funeral took place the next day, after a catered Chinese dinner and before midnight mass. It was a rare commingling of joy, solemness and proper decorum as befitting an unexpected funeral in the midst of welcoming Christmas and all the hope and possibilities that represented. The priest’s eulogy was about appreciating the good in our fellow humans even if they possessed traits that were unlikeable. The townsfolk didn’t pay much attention to that part of the priest’s message. For the first time in a long time, they truly enjoyed the dinner prior to the midnight mass.

photo from unsplash.com by Brooke Lark

 

118 thoughts on “Crazy Cook at Christmas”

  17. I am now not certain where you’re getting your info, however good topic. I needs to spend a while learning more or working out more. Thanks for wonderful information I used to be on the lookout for this info for my mission.

    Reply

  42. Fitspresso is a brand-new natural weight loss aid designed to work on the root cause of excess and unexplained weight gain. The supplement uses an advanced blend of vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants to support healthy weight loss by targeting the fat cells’ circadian rhythm.

    Reply

  46. Hey there! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website? I’m getting tired of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at options for another platform. I would be great if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

    Reply

  56. Wow, superb weblog format! How long have you been running a blog for? you made running a blog glance easy. The whole glance of your site is excellent, let alone the content material!

    Reply

  60. Thank you for every other informative site. The place else could I am getting that kind of information written in such a perfect manner? I’ve a project that I’m just now operating on, and I have been at the look out for such info.

    Reply

  61. Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

    Reply

  63. I found your weblog site on google and verify just a few of your early posts. Continue to keep up the excellent operate. I simply additional up your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. Searching for ahead to studying more from you in a while!…

    Reply

  64. I am curious to find out what blog system you are working with? I’m experiencing some minor security issues with my latest website and I’d like to find something more secure. Do you have any recommendations?

    Reply

  66. Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out much. I hope to give something back and aid others like you aided me.

    Reply

  68. When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Thanks a lot!

    Reply

  69. Thanks for every other informative web site. Where else could I am getting that kind of information written in such an ideal manner? I’ve a challenge that I am just now running on, and I’ve been on the glance out for such information.

    Reply

  70. Great info and right to the point. I don’t know if this is actually the best place to ask but do you people have any thoughts on where to get some professional writers? Thx 🙂

    Reply

  71. Do you have a spam issue on this site; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation; we have developed some nice practices and we are looking to swap techniques with other folks, why not shoot me an e-mail if interested.

    Reply

  72. Good day very nice site!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your blog and take the feeds additionally?KI am glad to search out a lot of helpful info right here in the publish, we’d like work out extra strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

    Reply

  74. Wonderful work! That is the type of info that should be shared around the net. Disgrace on Google for not positioning this submit upper! Come on over and discuss with my web site . Thanks =)

    Reply

  75. What is Tea Burn? Tea Burn is a new market-leading fat-burning supplement with a natural patent formula that can increase both speed and efficiency of metabolism. Combining it with Tea, water, or coffee can help burn calories quickly.

    Reply

  76. What Is ZenCortex? ZenCortex is a natural supplement that promotes healthy hearing and mental tranquility. It’s crafted from premium-quality natural ingredients, each selected for its ability to combat oxidative stress and enhance the function of your auditory system and overall well-being.

    Reply

  77. What i do not realize is actually how you’re not actually much more neatly-preferred than you may be right now. You’re very intelligent. You realize thus considerably in the case of this topic, produced me in my view imagine it from numerous varied angles. Its like women and men aren’t involved except it’s something to do with Lady gaga! Your personal stuffs nice. At all times handle it up!

    Reply

  78. Thank you for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do a little research on this. We got a grab a book from our local library but I think I learned more clear from this post. I am very glad to see such fantastic information being shared freely out there.

    Reply

  80. I believe this site contains some really great information for everyone. “I prefer the wicked rather than the foolish. The wicked sometimes rest.” by Alexandre Dumas.

    Reply

  84. Hey There. I discovered your weblog the usage of msn. That is a really well written article. I will make sure to bookmark it and return to learn extra of your useful information. Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely comeback.

    Reply

  86. Im not sure where you are getting your information, however great topic. I must spend a while finding out much more or working out more. Thanks for wonderful information I was searching for this information for my mission.

    Reply

  87. Hi! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good success. If you know of any please share. Cheers!

    Reply

  90. Hey! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site? I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be fantastic if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

    Reply

  91. Good post. I be taught one thing more difficult on totally different blogs everyday. It can all the time be stimulating to learn content from other writers and apply somewhat something from their store. I’d desire to use some with the content on my blog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll provide you with a link on your internet blog. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply

  96. I like what you guys are up too. Such smart work and reporting! Carry on the superb works guys I¦ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my web site 🙂

    Reply

  98. Definitely imagine that which you stated. Your favorite justification seemed to be on the web the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while other folks think about worries that they just don’t recognise about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the top as smartly as defined out the entire thing without having side-effects , other folks could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thank you

    Reply

  100. Hi there, just was alert to your blog thru Google, and found that it is truly informative. I’m going to watch out for brussels. I will be grateful in case you proceed this in future. Many other folks might be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

    Reply

  103. Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

    Reply

  105. Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

    Reply

  106. Some genuinely superb content on this internet site, appreciate it for contribution. “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.” by Cicero.

    Reply

  107. Terrific work! This is the type of info that should be shared around the net. Shame on Google for not positioning this post higher! Come on over and visit my website . Thanks =)

    Reply

  112. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

    Reply

  114. You actually make it seem really easy together with your presentation but I find this topic to be really one thing that I believe I’d never understand. It seems too complex and very vast for me. I’m looking forward in your next post, I?¦ll try to get the cling of it!

    Reply

  116. You really make it seem really easy with your presentation however I to find this topic to be really one thing that I feel I would never understand. It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me. I’m looking ahead on your subsequent post, I will attempt to get the dangle of it!

    Reply

  117. I would like to show my appreciation to the writer for rescuing me from this particular crisis. Right after looking through the internet and finding ideas which were not pleasant, I figured my life was over. Being alive without the presence of solutions to the problems you’ve sorted out by way of this website is a crucial case, and the ones that could have in a negative way damaged my career if I hadn’t discovered your website. Your personal talents and kindness in playing with all things was invaluable. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I hadn’t discovered such a thing like this. I am able to at this point look forward to my future. Thank you so much for your reliable and results-oriented guide. I won’t think twice to suggest your blog to anybody who wants and needs support about this subject.

    Reply

  118. Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having problems locating it but, I’d like to send you an email. I’ve got some ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great blog and I look forward to seeing it improve over time.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *